To blog or not to blog ...

Once again, I went through a quiet spell here on our blog. Part of that is because our days are busy, and I haven't made writing time a priority. I found some time today while the girls were all outside running off their sugar highs from the mountain of candy that covered our living room floor last night! The other part of my silence here is that I have felt in many ways that the story (stories, really) of our adoption process these past few months are not ours to share. They have involved several other families who have faced challenges and life altering decisions, and I just didn't feel comfortable sharing each situation, especially when my perspective has been one-sided. We are still excitedly expecting a new little one in our family (one day!), but our journey has been about so much more than that. It is because our eyes have once again been opened to so many new things that I decided we should continue sharing on our blog.

November is National Adoption Awareness Month. As I saw so many posts this morning from blogs or advocates kicking off the month of awareness, I wondered exactly where we fit in all of this. We do believe we are called to adopt, and we have seen firsthand the need for families to step up and answer that call. Who are we to tell others about adoption, though, when we have not actually adopted yet? While I wrestled with this a bit, I decided that I do have a voice in advocating for adoption. No, I can't tell you yet the joy of holding a son or daughter who was brought to our family through adoption. I can't tell you about the excitement of "Gotcha Day" or the process of finalization. That's simply not where we are. That doesn't mean, though, that there are not aspects of adoption that I can share. In fact, I can share about more than I ever would have imagined I could when we first began this process. The ups and downs of these past few months have taught us so many things. While we have not actually adopted anyone at this point, I can honestly say that adoption has brought us many blessings already. There are several birth families out there who I can thank for that!

Without getting into the details of others' stories, here's a quick update of where we are. I mentioned in our last blog post that we began loving a little boy who was due in June as if he were our own, realizing that God would walk us through any other situation that might happen. Well, God held true to what we asked of Him! The moment we found out that he was not being placed for adoption, our hearts were filled with peace, and we simply knew that God worked out His plan exactly as it should have happened. We were then matched with another family and have had three other calls about little ones as well. At this point, our prayer list of families and babies we are praying for has grown! All of these experiences have also opened our eyes to what so many people around us may be going through when we don't even realize it. There are people every day who receive a prenatal diagnosis of a disability. Many of them make the unfortunate decision to have an abortion. There are those, though, who choose life without knowing what the future may hold. For many of those parents, having adoption as an option gives them a sense of comfort and strength, even if they choose to parent their little one themselves. I truly believe that God has put us exactly where we were supposed to have been in each of the situations we've been through these past few months. While we were able to provide that comfort and strength to other families, I can honestly say that we were blessed as well. I know that is a bit of a cliche, but we have grown in so many ways by walking alongside these families.

God has used each of those situations to continue to show us that we are on the right track. While we have not adopted yet, we have answered His call to do so just the same. We are waiting. While that is often the most difficult part for adoptive families, I am thankful for what we have experienced during our waiting time. That's not to say that my heart doesn't skip a beat when I see that our contact with the National Down Syndrome Adoption Network has called my cell phone or that I don't check email immediately when I hear it ding after knowing that our profile has been sent for a family. I am human, I am a mother, and I do have a desire to adopt a little one. Those little anxieties are simply there and to be expected. At the same time, I know better than to think that all of this is about me or my hope to adopt. While I get that phone call, a family is navigating their way through a prenatal diagnosis. While I wait for that ding, a family is sorting through profiles and wondering how these adoptive families feel capable of parenting a child with special needs while they feel inadequate. This adoption process is big and complicated. It is full of grief and loss and anxiety. At the same time, though, it is necessary. It is full of joy and a greater understanding of family. It is also Biblical. It is an earthly representation of what our Heavenly Father has done time and time again. It is beautiful. It is all of that to me, and I haven't even adopted yet!