Waiting well

Waiting is really an odd place to be. We are filled with excitement and anticipation of what is to come, yet we guard ourselves because of not knowing how long this waiting part of the journey may take or where it may lead us. We are ready if we were to get the call tomorrow, yet we are also content in waiting as long as it takes. It helps to find peace and contentment in this process knowing that we are not the ones in control of this journey. We trust and we wait. By trusting, we wait well.

Part of waiting well, however, still includes lots of thoughts about the woman who will be our child's birthmother and of that little child himself. We find ourselves wondering and questioning ... who, where, when, why. Tonight, I have soaked up this particular version of Psalm 139:13-16 and have found much comfort in it.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

Ready, Set ... Wait!

When it comes to blogging, it really helps to sit still. We have not done much of that at all these past few months. It's officially summer now, though, and we are moving at a bit slower pace. Our busyness since March made it seem like the last few things we had to get together for our home study took forever. It was crazy that after all those months of papers and documents it was the last little bit that held us up. It's all done now, though!

We had our home study visit with our caseworker from Covenant Care in May, and she was able to take those last few things we finished and officially complete our home study! One of those items we completed was our family profile, which is the packet of pictures and things we want to share about our family that will be reviewed by pregnant moms who have made the decision to place their child for adoption. Our profile is now officially being shown. That means we are now officially waiting!

That also means that there will be a day where a mom will review our profile and information and choose us to parent her child. That day could be weeks or months or longer away. It's both exciting and nerve-wracking to say we have absolutely no idea when that might be.

We will continue to update the blog and share thoughts as we continue this journey, but, for now, we rest in knowing that we've completed all of the steps required on our part. We ask that you join us in praying for the woman who is our child's birthmom. Her story is unfolding now, and we pray for peace and wisdom for her as she walks through the days and weeks and months ahead.

We are praying for her daily, and we are continuing to focus on the little lives that God has already entrusted to us. We find ourselves in an odd place, really. We are content and full of joy with where we are and all that we have, yet we are also filled with an exciting level of anticipation of things to come and new precious lives to love.

I've Always Loved You

To kick off our celebration of our 15th wedding anniversary, Brian and I had a date night last night to see Third Day in Macon. Not only have I been a big fan for years now, but Mac Powell shared their adoption story at Catalyst 2009. It was early 2010 when I watched it on YouTube as God was gently nudging us on this journey. So, in a small way, their story is a part of our story.

One of my favorite Third Day songs is I've Always Loved You. As a matter of fact, it's the ringtone I have set for Brian when he calls me. It's a song about God's love for us, but I also like to think about it being the love Brian has for me because our relationship and marriage were ordained long before we even existed here on earth.

Well, it now has a new meaning to me as well. As has been the case more and more frequently lately, I can't help but think about the woman who will be our child's birthmother. As Third Day sang this song last night, I was overwhelmed by thoughts of her and of our connection to her now even though we have no idea who she even is. This is not a kind of love where we simply feel thankful for her. It's loving her no matter who she is or where she comes from or what she has gone through. It's loving her now and in the years to come. It's loving her in a way that is real, although I can't say now what that might actually look like.

I will blog again soon about more of our thoughts about birthmothers because our eyes have certainly been opened in a whole new way because of them. For now, here's the song that I have referenced. A reminder that no matter what, we have a Heavenly Father who knew us before we were born and who has loved us all along ...

Praying over papers

Wow ... March was some kind of busy for our family! I started several times to update the blog this past month but never got a post actually published. March was full of traveling and family and making lots of special memories. For now, then, I figured I'd simply start a new post and update where we are on our journey.

We just finished our last training for our domestic adoption this past Friday. We will meet with our caseworker this week (on Thursday) to review everything we've gotten together up until now. We have our completed home study that we shared with her, along with all of the documents we've collected over these past few months. We'll have a clearer picture after our meeting and will better be able to share what our next steps will be at that time.

At this point, the last thing we have to complete on our end is our adoptive family profile. This is basically our story and an introduction to our family in a scrapbook format that will be made available to expectant mothers who have chosen an adoption plan for their baby. She will review the profiles of families whose preferences meet her own, and she will use these to help make her choice of an adoptive family. This pretty much means these papers we are currently working on are the most important ones we will have turned in during our journey.

Yes, financial statements and testimonies and family history and FBI background checks and personal references are all important, but this profile will be what God uses to direct a mother to the family He has already picked out for her little one. There will be something in the pages of our profile that He uses to speak to her to let her know that we are the family who will adopt her baby. Talk about making a good first impression ... the words and pictures we choose for our profile will give her an idea of who we are. This is our chance to let her know enough about us to make a very big decision. These pages are awfully important.

We have no way of knowing right now what kind of relationship we will have with our child's birthmother. It could vary from being pretty open with her and sharing pictures frequently to having no interaction with her at all. It is possible, then, that these pages will hold all the information she will ever know about us. This may not only be a first impression but an only impression. We have carried that thought as we have worked on each page and chosen each picture. More than that, we pray that these pages will convey a message to her of love. Our love for our Heavenly Father. Our love for each other and for our children. Our love for our children we haven't met yet. Our love for her and for her forever part in our family's story. The love that our Heavenly Father has for her.

The thought that these pages need to carry all of that is overwhelming. Is little ol' worrisome me going to worry and fret over each page knowing the importance of what it is we are doing? Nope! Seriously. No worrying here. We are simply going to be honest and real in what we include in our profile. From there, we are going to cover these pages in prayer as we turn them in to our caseworker. We pray for God to use them to speak clearly to the mothers who will read them and to give them a peace and comfort as they make such a big decision using these pages as a guide.

We have prayed for a lot of different things over our adoption journey, and we have lots more requests to come, I'm sure. For now and for the next few days as we complete this profile, however, we will pray for each picture and each word. We will be praying over papers ...

Blog name change

We have officially renamed our blog and changed it from Eyes on Ethiopia to Open My Eyes to See. It's strange, actually, because I initially set up the blog address for Open My Eyes at the same time we did Eyes on Ethiopia because I just had a feeling we would use it down the road. Of course, I had thought it would be much later down the road, after our international adoption was complete. While our journey has taken this turn, our eyes remain open to all of the fatherless children in the world. We will continue to keep our eyes on Ethiopia and will keep that blog address as well to see how we may be used to care for orphans there. For now, though, Eyes on Ethiopia will simply link you to Open My Eyes to See. Lots of eyes to keep up with. :)

Thanks once again for all of the support and prayers as we have made this transition. We're looking forward to being back on track with our journey and updating more frequently again.

Big Sisters

While I know we still have some catching up to do with where we are in this new process, the short version is that we have gotten underway with a domestic adoption. Our homestudy is completed, and that document itself will be used as we move forward. (That also means time and money spent thus far have not been wasted.)

We do have a small amount of paperwork to complete as we make this transition. Part of our domestic packet includes questions for children we already have. Can I tell you just how excited our oldest have been about this? Bailey and Callie were both so thrilled to have an "assignment" and have a part to play in the stack of papers that they have seen us working on up until now. They both very carefully answered the questions in their best handwriting. They have been involved in our discussions and prayer time throughout this journey, and I think their having such a concrete role in the paperwork aspect of this made them feel valued by our agency.

They are already awesome big sisters, and we are going to have one spoiled little one on our hands with these two around. So proud of these girls and so excited to have them as such a big part of our adoption journey!

Change of Plans

We had mentioned in our last post that we have been intentionally taking some time to process a big decision related to our adoption journey. Over the coming weeks, we hope to share more of this process because it has been quite an experience as we have sought wisdom and discernment and allowed God to direct our next step. We have learned many unexpected lessons these past couple of months, but the most profound outcome of our time spent praying and processing all of this is a major change of direction for our adoption journey.

There have been several events and happenings related to Ethiopia, and even specifically to the adoption process there, that have reduced our certainty that an Ethiopian adoption is the right thing for our family at this time. We have been very careful not to make this decision based on fears or emotions, and we have intentionally taken time away from our blog and the adoption process in general to be sure that we are clear on the right next step for our family.

While we were a bit surprised ourselves that our story has taken this turn, we continue to be excited about the call to adopt that God has placed on our hearts. Over the past couple of weeks, we have begun to make the transition to a transracial adoption here domestically.

There are many more pieces to this story and many thoughts that went into this decision. We know that many of you were praying for us as we sought clarity on what was happening, and we so appreciate your support during this time. We will try to put words to some of the happenings of these past few weeks simply because God did some incredible things in our lives that we'd love to share. He is, after all, the Author of our story!

In the meantime, we look forward to posting updates on our domestic adoption. We have already gotten things underway, and there are so many things that have not changed:

- we are super excited about having a little one (or two!) join our family
- we are humbled and grateful that God has chosen this journey for us
- we are thankful for all of you and for your prayers and support
- we continue to have our eyes on Ethiopia, and we will pray for its people, for its orphans, and for those who are in the process of adopting from there

This is the hard part

Well, we've definitely been quiet on the blog this past month or so. Part of that had to do with the wonderful Christmas season that we celebrated. We were busy with family but not in a stressful kind of way, which meant that we spread our celebrations out over several weeks and had lots of sweet family time. We also rang in the New Year with great expectations for 2011.

Since the first of the year, we have been processing a pretty big decision related to our adoption journey. As is the norm for me, I took to the internet and read lots of blogs and articles and became pretty obsessed with the parent forums out there. You would think I'd have learned my lesson from the triplet mom forums I used to browse during our pregnancy. Nevertheless, I found myself searching for answers in the middle of a lot of noise and information overload.

For the past few weeks, then, I have been trying my best to do what is actually very hard for me. I have been still. I have stayed off of the blogs and forums and have (not as successfully) tried spending less time online in general. Instead of spending precious time searching for our answers, I have decided that maybe, just maybe, the best thing to do after all is to simply be still and listen.

I have to report that, so far, it works! It's amazing what happens in the quiet and stillness. We still have some processing to do, so we do ask that you pray for discernment for us as we look ahead to our next step. We are fine, and we continue to be excited about our adoption journey, but we just needed to hit the pause button on things here at the beginning of the year as we carefully consider the right next step for our family.

We continue to be so thankful to be on this journey, to have family and friends praying for us each step of the way, and to have a Heavenly Father who is patient enough to wait on us to be still so we can hear Him!